


Planet X

by simbajean



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Adventure & Romance, Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Kidnapping, M/M, Protective Crowley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-06
Updated: 2020-02-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:26:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 9,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22588636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simbajean/pseuds/simbajean
Summary: Crowley and Aziraphale wanted a vacation before the apocalypse started and that went all wrong.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Kudos: 11
Collections: Good Omens Big Bang 2019





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Artwork by @HolyTeapot

The steeping pot of tea can only mean one thing: that the sworn enemies are having a meeting. Crowley and Aziraphale have known each other for a long time. You could say from the beginning. They have been known to get together once every century or so when things are getting out of hand. Mostly it was small problems like the Roman Empire getting too big, or Hitler, both of these were Crowley’s doings that he later regretted. They wouldn’t call themselves friends but also wouldn’t call themselves enemies, either. One would say they’re more like mutual acquaintances, but honestly, that doesn’t give this partnership an accurate description of what is actually going on.

When the tea is done brewing they sit down and start to discuss their latest and probably the biggest problem.

“How could you have lost the boy, Crowley? You’ve been with him for the past 11 years. How could you not recognize the mother that had the antichrist?” Aziraphale says while he is pacing around his bookstore, very worried about their wellbeing. 

“Sorry, I didn’t pay much attention to the tiny details, and on top of that, how did you not lose him? You were there with me every day trying to undo what I was doing! Also, I was a little bit drunk that night, okay probably more than a little bit. I told them not to give me that project. I hate children and everything that goes along with having a child. And why are they always sticky? Like how can you be sticky twenty-four seven? Anyways, all I know is that we need to find the boy before either side finds out that he is missing. We would both be in a heaping world of trouble,” Crowley says as he rubs his eyes, tired from a long day of searching for the missing boy.

“Okay, we just need to think rationally about this,” Aziraphale says. He straightens out his jacket and smooths back his hair. Being the angel he is, Aziraphale tries to keep his holy composure. He sits down and pours a cup of tea and sips on it gingerly. “Honestly, Crowley, you’d think you would be better at this since this was the highest honor your kind could dispose of onto you.”

“Stick a sock in it, angel,” Crowley hisses. He folds his arms across his chest. “I have a plan, let's find the hellhound. We find the hellhound, we find the boy.” He crosses his legs at his ankles and smirks.

Aziraphale looks at Crowley and sighs. “What if we just run away from all of this? Like, go to a different planet or even a different solar system.”

“A different planet? How about Mars? I mean it’s where the Big S plans on putting his new colony after he wins the war. If we get there first, he won’t want to be part of a planet that has already been partially terraformed,” Crowley says as he jumps up and gets very excited about his plan. He gets to terraform another planet and get away from all the messes that he has caused.

Crowley stands up and leaves without another word, but he picks up a book and places some money on the table for it. Now, this wouldn’t make anyone worried, but Crowley doesn’t read anything that doesn’t have to do with the underworld. 

Crowley is a different type of demon. He throws china and yells at his plants. He only reads books about Hell and folklore that he specifically did. He enjoys his conquests so much that he has a journal for everything that he has ever done, good or bad.

Crowley is seriously so strange in the manner in which he takes out his frustrations on priceless china, like the kind one gets as a wedding present. He has a whole room dedicated to throwing china plates at walls and stuff. He calls it his ‘break room’ because he also sometimes reads in this room. There just happens to be a large leather recliner and a table next to it to keep hot things like a nice hot bowl of soup, while he reads. The walls are dark red to give a hellish ambiance to the room. It is calming to him. As a demon red and black is his favorite color.

Today is one of those days where he reads. The book is not what he would usually read, but it's interesting nonetheless. A mystery book that has adventure and forces that have nothing to do with the king of Hell, which is a breather from everything that he normally reads. It is a nice change of pace from what he is going to be going through in the next couple of days. He turns on his record player and starts to read, becoming immediately drowned in the words of the author.


	2. Chapter 2

Aziraphale was shocked by Crowley’s sudden disappearance, but not as shocked as one might think. It was normal for Crowley to leave in the middle of a conversation, He would often jump up and leave to do something that he had forgotten about. Aziraphale would like Crowley to stay for longer and announce his departure like any other normal person but Aziraphale will not stand up to him because he loves him and does not want to lose him.

Crowley is a loose link in the system, just going around and doing whatever he wants to do. It frustrates Aziraphale because all he wants to talk about was how he felt for Crowley, but he could not wrap his head around how to tell Crowley. Maybe on the trip that they will be taking in a few days. Aziraphale doesn’t really want to go to Mars; it is dry and dusty and would make his suits look horribly red. He starts looking for a different place to go and just get away for a second. 

He opens the door to his study in the back of the bookstore and discovers that the computer he owns has no internet. Aziraphale isn’t the best at using the computer, but he could figure it out to find a nice place to go. After he finally gets onto the computer, which involved a lot of manuals and intense praying, he moves his mouse over to the Google Chrome icon and clicks on it. Going to the Google homepage, Aziraphale types in ‘places to get away.’ All the options are here on Earth, which he does not want. Aziraphale does this for a while, typing in different places to go and finding that all of them are on Earth. Then he stumbles onto the NASA website. Aziraphale clicks on different links on the website and begins to read about planets and the moon. 

Three hours later, Aziraphale finally finishes reading the article about the Apollo missions and, with tears streaming down his face, he makes it to the breaking news. Breaking to the humans at least, but the scientists have made a discovery. They call it Planet X because, well, what would you name a tenth planet that you have just discovered after being on the Earth for six thousand years? 

“On the outskirts of our solar system is a planet three times larger than Earth. It does not get much light, nor does it orbit like the other planets; rather it takes an elliptical path. It has two moons and is thought to be a solid planet and not gas. We call it Planet X. This planet has just been recently discovered and is in the process of being named. As we get more details about this planet we will be sure to keep you updated in this article.”

Aziraphale immediately thinks that he needs to tell Crowley, but when he looks at the clock, he realizes that it was late and Crowley is probably throwing fine china again. It’s no big deal, he can always call him tomorrow morning. 

“Planet X seems fun.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> art by @artnica

The next morning is bright and sunny out. The birds are chirping, and the sky is the brightest blue anyone has ever seen. Everyone on the street is pleasant and walking to their destination without a care in the world. Aziraphale is among the crowd, walking back to his bookstore, which is also his home, from a coffee shop with a latte from his favorite coffee shop. He goes there every morning when his favorite barista is on shift. According to him, no one makes his lattes better than his barista. He is whistling a tune that he cannot remember the name of, a very old tune from the 1920s. That was one of his favorite eras. Everyone was happy and just enjoying life. Aziraphale reaches the bookstore and unlocks the door. Walking in, he sees that everything is just how he left it the previous night before he went home. He takes a deep breath and walks to the back of the store. He calls Crowley before he opens up the bookstore for the day.

“Crowley, I found this wonderful planet where we can go to get away.”

“What, you didn’t like Mars? You know, Aziraphale, I tried to pick somewhere really nice to go together, somewhere where there were no people and no one could bother us but no, you had to go and pick someplace else,” Crowley says, getting more sarcastic with every word.

“Well, that’s quite enough now, Crowley. The place I found is called Planet X, or the ‘accident planet,’” Aziraphale says very enticingly.

“Planet X, huh? I remember that place; I think I put people on that planet back in the day.” Crowley looks at his watch and speaks into the phone again, “Look, Aziraphale, sounds nice. Now I need to go, I have a meeting down in the depths of Hell.” Crowley hangs up the phone without another word.

“Well, that was rude,” Aziraphale says while hanging up the phone. He walks to the door of the bookshop and turns the key to open the door. There isn’t a line of customers that are eagerly waiting for him, but to him, it's home.  
He sits down at his desk and makes a list of what to pack when they go on this trip to Planet X. Maybe he will get a cool souvenir or something to remember his trip by. All he wants to do is to make sure that Crowley has a good time. He means so much to Aziraphale, but Aziraphale would never say that to Crowley. He has no idea how Crowley feels, for one thing, and also, he could get into a lot of trouble with Heaven if they found out that an angel had fallen for a demon. The last thing Aziraphale wants to do is get him and Crowley into trouble with the higher-ups. 

A couple of hours later, he hears the bell above the door ring. Not very concerned that there is someone in the shop since Crowley is in a meeting, Aziraphale finishes up reading the NASA article for the third time before going to meet the customer.

He walks into the main room of the bookstore, surprised. “Crowley, I didn't expect to see you here. I thought you had a meeting with one of the bosses from Hell?” Aziraphale says while straightening out his jacket, trying to look nice for him.

“I was on my way, but then I remembered that I actually did put people on Planet X and what if the humans find them? Like, how stupid is that? I meant it as a practical joke since Planet X was so far out there that it was basically impossible for them to find, and now they have found it. The humans! They can’t know that there are other species out in space. They will take over all the planets, and we will never be able to go anywhere for a moment of peace,” Crowley says while pacing, each word getting louder and more stressed out.

“Look, Crowley, this is a simple problem with an easy solution. We alter their history and set these other people back thousands of years. That way they will never learn of Earth or Jupiter for that matter. And let me just say again that tremulous sky I did was probably the most fun I have ever had creating a planet.” Aziraphale sits down and smiles while recounting this memory. 

Crowley looks at Aziraphale and smiles. “I’ve gotta go, but I will be back later tonight.” Crowley sets down a note and walks away. “Have a horrid day, angel.” He straightens out his jacket and walks away with some swagger in his step.

Aziraphale picks up the note that Crowley set down and reads it over.

We will have to meet on Planet X. The big guys have someone following me; they have been for some time. Fortunately for us, they have to get clearance to go off-planet before they can come and follow us to Planet X. Which, thanks to me, has a backlog of four years. We will meet at 7 PM sharp. 

Please don’t be late, angel.  
-Crowley

Aziraphale smiles as he starts to pack and gets ready for his trip with Crowley. Normally taking a vacation doesn’t excite him much, but to be going on one with one of the worst demons in Hell is exciting.


	4. Chapter 4

Crowley walks down the hall to his office in Hell. He sits at his desk waiting for the number of meetings that he has for today. It's basically the finalization of Armageddon: last-minute meetings with higher-ups and all that junk. He really hates this, but he was given this project 11 years ago. Oh well, things seem to be looking up now that he plans to run away. Aziraphale doesn’t know that he does not ever plan on returning to Earth, but that is a conversation for another day. The demon is even considering not telling him until the angel is already far away.

“Does the boy have everything he needs to make sure that the end of the world goes according to plan?” a stranger says as they walk into Crowley’s office.

“Yes, Beelzebub, he has all the skills he needs to effectively defeat the angels. I personally made sure that the angel, Aziraphale, who was trying to counter my evilness, was not given too much alone time with the boy. Now it is up to him on the choices he makes.” Crowley motions to a chair bidding the scary lady to sit down and make herself comfortable. Beelzebub is not someone you want to mess with. She will pour holy water on your head just for looking at her wrong.

“You know that is not true. If we lose this war we will kill you in the most painful way possible,” she says, monotone. 

Just imagine the scariest way that someone could talk to you. Now take that picture and multiply it by 100, and that is what talking to Beelzebub is like.

“Oh, and what would that be with? Holy water?” Crowley asks as he crosses his arms, not believing what is coming out of this demon’s mouth.

“Yes,” she says as she crosses her arms and leans back in the chair.

“Oh, shiitake mushrooms. I guess I better make sure that we don’t lose, huh,” Crowley says while standing up. Beelzebub soon follows suit.

“I will meet with you again, Crowley, thirteen hours before the end of the world. Do not be late.” Crowley escorts Beelzebub to the door like a gentleman but says nothing more in fear of making her mad. 

Crowley closes the door to his office and breathes a sigh of relief; he hadn’t thought that the meeting would go so scarily.

BEEP BEEP

Crowley looks down at his watch. It's reminding him that it is time to leave so he can go on this runaway trip and, hopefully, never look back. Crowley wipes his computer’s memory clean. The last thing he needs is some low-level demon going through his personal files while he commits high treason. Crowley stands up and takes one last look at his office. Man, is he going to miss this place. He’s not sentimental or anything, but when you’ve been in an office for over 5,000 years it kind of gets a little bit personal.


	5. Chapter 5

Aziraphale closes up shop early to pack for his vacation. He can’t believe that Crowley wants to go on a vacation with him. He’s always thought that he was a bit boring. Aziraphale always wanted to be in the loop with Crowley, but he knew that their friendship had to be kept on the down-low since an angel and a demon cannot be friends. This vacation is exactly what he needs. No one in Heaven or Hell looking for them. Aziraphale wants to ask Crowley if they can stay on their vacation planet forever. Like a true couple just living out the quiet life that he has read so much about.

Aziraphale finishes his packing and draws his circle for off-planet travel. He stands up straight in the circle and looks at his shop one more time before he goes away forever. 

Aziraphale recites the poem, “Take me where I want to go. Take me there now. Take me to the Accident Planet.” The circle starts to glow a bright white and grows a very long tube that leads him off-planet. Aziraphale decides to hum a song while waiting to be transported to the appropriate planet. The tube gets lost a bit, but that is understandable because Planet X is a long way off.

When the tube beings Aziraphale down to Planet X, he dusts himself off and looks around at the scenery. This will be a great place to vacation with Crowley when he arrives. Aziraphale walks for a few miles until he finds a lake surrounded by trees. He decided that this will be a nice place to set up camp. It has everything that they need a place to shelter from the sun and the natives on the planet, a source of water and food, and most important of all, peace and quiet.

After a few hours Aziraphale has their base camp all set up and if he does say so himself, it looks wonderful. It’s almost like stepping into a dreamy wonderland of colors and shapes. It’s almost as if Aziraphale takes camping way too seriously. The angel also does not understand what the word ‘inconspicuous’ means. It looks like a circus has landed in the middle of a desert. Aziraphale looks around at the landscape. It isn’t London, but it will do until he is back at home. 

Aziraphale walks into the tent and opens a little box. Inside this box is his most prized possession, a baseball card. Aziraphale bought this card because Crowley went through a baseball phase. It is an old card from 1945, with a picture of Josh Gibson on it. Crowley had really loved him; he thought the hype over Jackie Robinson was too much and always loved an underdog. Aziraphale had wanted to give this card to Crowley for years now. Aziraphale wanted to give this card to Crowley as he confessed his feelings to him. 

He has it all planned out: he will cook a nice meal for them, and after dinner but before dessert is finished, he will look Crowley in the eyes and say that he loves him and has loved him since before Adam and Eve were kicked out of the garden. He will say that no matter how evil he might be, he will not ever give up on them being together. He’ll tell him how he is willing to run far away from the spying eyes of God and Satan so they can have a life together. Aziraphale has never found the right time to say something to Crowley because Crowley is always on the move. 

No matter, Aziraphale will finally tell Crowley when the time is right. In the meantime, Aziraphale walks into the tent and starts to cook him and Crowley a meal of the finest ingredients he could find. Buffalo burgers with sweet potato buns are on the grill and permeating the air with their strong, fatty smell. Buffalo is one of the most expensive meats in the world. He walks over to the stove and fries two eggs to medium consistency. 

“Not too runny, and not too hard. If I remember correctly, Crowley loves baked macaroni and cheese. If I get started now it should be ready by the time he gets here.” He gets out everything that he needs and starts to cook. He moves around the kitchen like he is on an episode of Binging With Babish. Two hours later Aziraphale has a large spread of food sitting on the table. Different smells of all the different dishes that he has made start to intermingle and give the nose an experience like no other. Aziraphale sits back and looks at a job well done. He decides that he is going to get cleaned up before Crowley arrives. He wants to make sure that he looks his best for an event this important.


	6. Chapter 6

Crowley finally makes it home after walking for hours. He had been trying to clear his mind before he leaves and never comes back. He has given all of his plants away, paid rent up for the next year, shut all the utilities off, and burned any documents that could trace him back to a bunch of misfortunes. Crowley goes into his bedroom and starts to pack the belongings that he will need for the trip. He severely under packs since he knows that Aziraphale overpacks like nobody’s business. He just takes the basics with him. 

After a couple of hours, he gets into his car and drives out to a field. He parks his car in a barn standing in the middle of the field and gets ready to draw the summoning circle. He would’ve drawn a circle in his house, but he hates the burns in his carpet that the summoning circle leaves. This would probably be a good time to mention that those mysterious crop circles that keep appearing are actually Crowley’s fault. Crowley bends down and draws the circle. As soon as he steps inside of it the circle starts to glow a bright red, opposite of the white it would glow if an angel stepped inside of one. An angel and a demon cannot step into the same circle because it will actually turn into a cage and not release the culprits until the proper authorities come. This is one of the reasons Crowley and Aziraphale had to travel separately. 

Crowley recites the words, “Take me where I want to go. Take me there now. To the forbidden planet.” The circle grows brighter and shoots a beam up from the ground into the sky. Crowley opens his wings and picks up his suitcase. He looks up at the sky and takes off to Planet X. 

Nine hours later, Crowley finally lands on a planet. Beam travel is not very reliable. This beam took him to another solar system. This is one of the reasons Crowley hates going off-planet. He draws another circle and says the poem again. The beam shoots up and lifts him up into the air one more time. Crowley hopes that he will get to the right place this time.

Seven hours later, Crowley finally lands on Planet X. He doesn’t know this, but he has landed about a five-minute walk from the campsite that Aziraphale has set up. Crowley looks around and decides that he should send out a message to him, but before he can, a white light shows up and starts traveling north. Crowley assumes this must be from his counterpart and starts to follow it. No sooner than Crowley thinks that it would’ve been faster if he had just flown does he stumble upon the camp. He stops as the white light disappears from view and looks at his surroundings. There is a river cutting the land in half to the north, a forest to the east of them, a desert to the south as far as the eye can see, and grasslands to the west for no other reason than that's what should be there. 

Crowley thinks to himself that this cannot be the landscape of this planet and that whoever got assigned to this planet was not in the best state of mind when they designed it. When Crowley comes out of his thoughts, his mouth starts to water with the smell of food in the air. 

He walks into the tent looking at the one man who is oblivious to the fact that he has entered. As he looks around the tent he sees that it has been decorated to the nines. Crowley sits down in a chair that practically consumes him in fluffiness. 

“Nice work, angel,” he says while looking at Aziraphale’s back.

“Oh, my,” Aziraphale says as he jumps into the air from shock, “I didn’t even see you there.” 

“Sneaking is my specialty.”

“It sure is.”


	7. Chapter 7

Aziraphale looks at Crowley with a small smile on his face. He is dressed like he just came from a meeting and jumped on a plane. Either way, Aziraphale cannot take his eyes off of Crowley, and for good reason—who would want to take their eyes off of the only person that they have ever loved? 

“Earth to Aziraphale! Did I lose you already? I only just got here,” Crowley says as he kneels down in front of him. 

“Y-yeah, I’m here. I just spaced out for a second. What am I thinking, you’ve been here for a total of 30 minutes and you haven’t had anything to drink. You must be parched from your journey here. I don’t know how you fared getting here, but I got lost a couple of times,” Aziraphale says while standing up and walking into the kitchen area to get Crowley something to drink.

Ding, the oven goes off, and Aziraphale walks into the kitchen and pulls something out of the oven. Aziraphale puts it by the window so the mysterious dessert can cool before dinner.

He turns around and looks at Crowley. “Well, dinner is ready if you are hungry. That was the last thing I was waiting on so we can go ahead and eat whenever you are ready.”

“I need to freshen up first but that sounds like a good idea. I am starved,” Crowley says while running his hands through his hair. 

“Of course, let me go and get the bathroom ready for you,” says Aziraphale while he walks to the bathroom to set it up for Crowley’s shower. Once the angel enters the bathroom he turns on the shower and starts heating it up so it isn’t cold when Crowley steps into it. He lays some towels and toiletries out and lights a candle so the ambiance is nice and calming. He walks out of the bathroom and into Crowley’s room to let him know that the bathroom is ready for him to use. 

“Crowley, your shower is ready to go. Please take as much time as you need. I had a snack before you came so I can wait to eat dinner until you are ready to eat,” Aziraphale says while he rocks back and forth on his feet, feeling nervous about what Crowley is going to say.

“Thank you, angel, that was very kind of you,” Crowley says while grabbing his dinner clothes. He walks past Aziraphale and into the bathroom to take a shower and get cleaned up before dinner. 

Aziraphale walks around Crowley’s room and puts things away, straightening up the room just to make it feel a little bit more like home. After he is done he walks into his own room to change into his dinner suit. 

Aziraphale wants to look his best for telling Crowley how he feels about him. Hopefully, Crowley will feel the same way and will profess his love for Aziraphale. Either way, it will be good for him to get it off his chest. He walks back into the kitchen, sets the table, and portions out some food onto the plates. As time goes on his anxiety grows like a ball in his stomach, and he is wondering if he should abandon his plans to give Crowley his baseball card and his love.

“Come on, Aziraphale, you can do this. It is just one little card. Give him the card and gauge how he feels about it, and if it is going your way tell him you love him. Simple as that,” Aziraphale says to himself as he puts the final touches on the dining table.

“Ahh, that was a nice shower. How did you get the water so hot?” Crowley says as he comes out of the shower with a towel around his waist.

“Oh, I just put together a little miracle, you know the easy stuff like making fire,” Aziraphale says as he turns around slowly, not wanting to mess anything on the table up.

“OH!” Aziraphale turns around very quickly. “You’re naked. I’m very sorry, I did not know.” Aziraphale’s back is to Crowley but he can feel his face getting hotter with embarrassment. He decides then and there that if he and Crowley are ever going to be together, he needs to get over the fact that he has seen him naked. 

“You are fine, angel. See? I already have clothes on, it’s not a big deal,” Crowley says as he sits down at the table and puts his napkin on his lap. “Are you ready to eat?” 

“Yes, of course, I am ready to eat. So what we have here is a greek salad. I added almonds to it, though, as I know you like them. So please dig in and enjoy,” Aziraphale says as he sits down and puts his own napkin in his lap.

“For our second course, we have a medium-rare lamb chop with mashed sweet potatoes and sautéed sugar snap peas with chile, lemon, and mint. And for dessert, we have a dutch apple pie with homemade vanilla bean ice cream and black coffee.” 

“Wow, that sounds lovely, Aziraphale. You didn’t have to do all of this,” Crowley says in between bites of his salad. He seems to eat each and every bite faster than the last one. Now is it because Crowley hasn’t had a home-cooked meal since who knows when? Probably; he can’t cook so he eats out all the time or has frozen dinners that you only have to pop in a toaster oven. 

“Slow down, Crowley, you won’t even get to dessert eating like that,” Aziraphale says as he gets up to get the next course. As he walks away from the dinner table he starts to get more excited to give Crowley his baseball card. It is going to be a perfect night. Picking up the plates that contain their main course, Aziraphale walks back to the dinner table and sets the lamb in front of Crowley. It takes no more than five seconds before his mouth starts watering and his stomach starts to growl. 

Aziraphale notices as he is walking around to his side of the table that Crowley has not touched his food. As soon as Aziraphale sits down and picks up his knife and fork Crowley does the same. Even though he is hungry, Crowley still has Victorian style manners and Aziraphale appreciates that. 

After a few silent beats, Aziraphale speaks up, “How is it?”

“It is wonderful. I haven’t ever had a lamb chop cooked to a perfect medium-rare.” Crowley sets down his knife and fork to speak to Aziraphale directly and not in between mouthfuls of food. “Honestly, no one has ever cooked for me like this before and I really appreciate it. You are a wonderful cook and I cannot thank you enough for this meal.”

“It was no problem. You don’t have to thank me. I enjoy cooking, and having someone other than my barista eat my leftovers is very nice, but please don’t hold back on your critiques. I want to learn more and make bigger and better meals in the future if there is a future.”

“Of course. I don’t have any right now, but if you would like, you can continue to cook us dinner. Once a week, maybe? After we get back, of course.”

“Of course, that sounds very nice.”


	8. Chapter 8

Crowley continues to eat dinner, savoring every bite that he is bound to take. He doesn’t say much, as he has not had peace and quiet in a long time. When Crowley finally looks up from his meal he notices that Aziraphale is starting to fidget whether he means to or not. 

“Are you okay there, angel?” Crowley asks while he looks up at Aziraphale and puts down his fork.

“I thought I saw something in the window, but I must have been dreaming. The nearest village is a day’s hike from here,” Aziraphale says.

“Well you never know, maybe we should keep an eye out for it.”

All of a sudden a pebble lands in the pudding that is sitting on the kitchen counter. Both Crowley and Aziraphale look over to the window and see a face staring back at them, and before they know it some natives come in and take Aziraphale by the arms and drag him away. Aziraphale stays calm since struggling could cause worse problems to happen. Crowley does not know if he should follow right away since he was the one who actually caused this mess. After sitting and finishing his meal he walks outside and looks at the tracks that the native people had left.

“I guess they went this way,” he says as he opens his wings and flies over to the settlement.

Crowley lands in the middle of the settlement with a huge thump, in the classic superhero stance. As soon as he stands up he sees his love. Crowley looks at his poor, captured angel and gives him a soft look. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll get you out of here. Also, how do you always end up needing saving?” Crowley asks. 

“I know, I know, I always end up in trouble, but it’s okay because you are always there to bail me out,” Aziraphale says while he waits for Crowley to untie him.

As Crowley walks behind Aziraphale to go untie him, a bunch of natives surrounds them, pointing spears at them. Crowley decides that he should step back and try some negotiation to see if he can get them out of this situation as peacefully as possible. 

“Hi, um, I just want my friend back. He means so much to me. If I do something for you can I get him back?” Crowley asks who he assumes to be the leader. As he continues talking, he steps away from Aziraphale to make himself seem less threatening. 

“You are the one on the statues. The one who is sent to help free us from the demon underground,” the leader says as they step up to Crowley.

“Demon? Okay, I got you. What can you tell me about this demon?” Crowley asks while crossing his arms.

The leader of the native people takes Crowley into his hut and shows him a storybook full of legends. “This is the story of the kunga. He is a demon who is supposed to help the dead cross over to the afterlife. Recently he has been terrorizing the living, taking children from their homes and doing who knows what to them. Makea, I’ve sent scouts and warriors after them to try and find what the kunga is doing to our children, but they never come back. If you can help us we will free your lover,” the leader says with a tone of desperation in his voice.

“Sure, I can help you, but first, what does makea mean?” Crowley asks, super confused as to what the chief had just called him.

“Makea in our language means ‘savior.’ You are the one that we have legends of. You are meant to save us.”

“Well, okay then. I guess I will go and look for this kunga thing.”

Crowley stands up and looks at the man who has just given him one of the hardest jobs in his life, saving the only person that matters to him. When he walks outside he sees that they have let Aziraphale loose from his bonds and are making him as comfortable as possible. Crowley walks over to him but gets stopped by guards before he can reach Aziraphale. 

“Makea, unfortunately, we cannot let you touch or talk to the prisoner until you take care of our issue,” one of the guards says, putting a hand up.

“Okay, I understand. Take me to the cave.”

A group of warriors gathers and starts to take Crowley to wherever this cave is. Walking for no more than 20 minutes, Crowley finally reaches the cave entrance. He grabs a torch from one of the warriors and nods his head. 

A long, dark tunnel stretches out ahead of Crowley, and as far as his eyes can see (which is far, since he is a demon, after all) is nothing but black. He walks into the cave and goes deeper on the path that has been lined out for him by the natives bringing their dead down to be buried. Crowley walks with nothing but his thoughts. Thoughts of what life might be like with a certain angel if the world wasn’t going to end. 

Aziraphale walks up to their bedroom early in the morning with breakfast in bed. The tray has all of Crowley’s favorites on it: blueberry muffins, Belgian waffles with warm maple syrup on top, two sunnyside-up eggs, and a tall glass of orange juice.   
Aziraphale walks into the room. “Wakey-wakey honey, I brought all of your favorites.”  
Crowley slowly sits up from under the covers and stretches before he looks at Aziraphale.  
“Yummy, why don’t you sit here and eat it with me?”  
“You know what, I have a few minutes before I have to open the store. I think I will,” Aziraphale says while he sits down on their bed.  
For the rest of the morning, Crowley and Aziraphale sit in the quietness of their bedroom and eat a breakfast fit for a king. Some of their best moments are spent with each other in pure silence.

Daydreaming keeps Crowley busy until he finally reaches the catacombs. It smells just as Crowley remembered, like decomposing people, the stench of death. It is not pleasant, but it is nothing that Crowley cannot handle. Ever since he fought in World War One, he had gotten used to that overwhelming smell. Crowley takes off the glasses that obscure his eyes and takes a long and hard look around the room. He can see nothing so far, but that does not mean he won’t come into contact with anything later on. If the kunga is actually taking children he has to stay on his guard. If he happens to find any children alive, it would be wise for him to take them back to the surface and reunite them with their families.


	9. Chapter 9

Aziraphale looks intensely at Crowley’s back as he walks away from the settlement and onto a path that ends somewhere beyond his view. As everyone else goes back to doing whatever it is they were doing before the group of men left, Aziraphale still watches them. After five minutes he cannot see them anymore and goes to look for something to do, but as he gets up a group of guards point their spears at him and command him to sit back down.

“Oh, alright, I guess I’ll stay here, but can someone please at least tell me what this ‘kunga’ is? I am curious and I would like to learn more about it,” Aziraphale says he looks at the guards, waiting for an answer.

“You want to learn about the kunga?” someone asks.

“Yes, quite frankly I would like to if you are willing to teach me.”

“Alright, but first, I’m Jiro,” the girl says as she sits down in front of the guards.

“Hello Jiro, I’m Aziraphale. It is very nice to meet you.”

“Okay, the kunga is said to be an old ancestor of ours that decided to stay behind to make sure our loved ones can cross over to be with the gods. We as a tribe leave her some of the best of our harvests and hunts as a token of our undying gratitude. Legend has it that when someone dies the kunga waits in the shadows, and after the burial service is over she comes out and guides that soul through the caves for three days where they try to prove their worth. If they are worthy, the kunga will take them to live with the rest of our family in an afterlife fairly similar to this one. If they are not, the kunga will eat their soul,” Jiro says while she stares at Aziraphale, only breaking eye contact to draw a picture that gives him the basic shape of what the kunga looks like. The picture shows what looks like a giant mountain lion but with the mane of an African lion. Suddenly Aziraphale understands that this spirit, creature, thing is very important to these people, as it literally takes their loved ones from one place to another. Magic might not be a tangible thing that humans have grasped on Earth, but this particular set of people, at least, seems to have grasped it. 

“Okay, Jiro, I understand that part, but what do you have to do to make the kunga angry?” Aziraphale asks when he looks up from the drawing.

“To make the kunga angry, someone must have died before their time at the hands of another. If this person is not caught then the kunga will start to steal children from their beds at night, in a human form that is pleasing to the children. She will then lead them back down to the caves where she will help them cross over to the afterlife. The kunga will continue to do this until she is either killed, or the person who was behind the killing is found and sacrificed to her,” Jiro says as she peels what seems to be an orange.

“So all we have to do to preserve the kunga is to find the one who killed someone, and then the kidnappings stop?” Aziraphale asks while taking a piece of the strange fruit from Jiro.

“Yeah, pretty much.”

“Then why hasn’t anyone done that yet?”

“Everyone is too scared that it might be one of their family members. If the person who did it comes forward, their family will be looked upon with so much hatred and disdain that it wouldn’t even be funny. These people will be shunned for the rest of their mortal lives, and who knows what will happen to their immortal bodies after they die?” Jiro says, her voice getting more concerned as she continues to talk.   
Aziraphale looks at Jiro with a sad expression on his face. He does not speak, as he does not have the right words to say. Killing the kunga would remove the help that their ancestors get when crossing over, but finding the murderer would essentially shun the family until they all died. It is a catch twenty-two. This is not a situation that can easily be solved, but Aziraphale has an idea. Since he is an angel, he can see what people’s pasts look like. So if he could wait for everyone to fall asleep, he can take the murderer from their bed down to the caves and be back before dawn. 

It might be risky but this way no one would be blamed for this person’s wrongful deeds, and the children would be safe. The only thing he has to count on is Crowley keeping the kunga busy long enough for him to get down to the catacombs. It’s a plan that Crowley has no idea that he is a part of, but it is necessary to these people.


	10. Chapter 10

As Crowley continues to walk deeper into the catacombs, he finds out that they eventually turn into caves. With no sign of the kunga or any children, he decides to take a well-deserved break. He does not know for how long he has been walking, but he is almost certain that it is now dark outside. After walking for a little bit longer, Crowley finally finds a safe place to stop. It’s a break in the rock allowing for just enough room to lay down, completely hidden from view. He sits down in the makeshift room and looks around. He can’t see anything that might give him any clues as to where the kunga lies. 

Crowley lays down in the hole in the wall and decides to take a quick nap. Just long enough to refresh himself. As he drifts off to sleep he thinks he hears something but brushes it off, as he is completely hidden from view.

No more than twenty minutes later, Crowley wakes up suddenly as he hears a roar coming from deeper in the caves. He stands up and shimmies himself out of the hole in the wall. Once Crowley has freed himself, he walks towards the sound. It does not seem that it is very far off, and Crowley is right. In less than five minutes Crowley comes upon the beast, who has a depressed demeanor that is off-putting. It makes Crowley feel sad in a way that he has never experienced before. 

Oh-so-slowly does Crowley walk up to what he believes is the kunga and put his hand out as a gesture of friendliness. He knows his job is to kill it, but something inside of Crowley is preventing him from doing that. He just knows that there is something more to this story than what he was told by the chief. The kunga takes a long, hard sniff from Crowley’s hand and turns its head away from Crowley. Crowley takes that as a sign that he is welcomed and walks up to the kunga. 

“Hi, I’m Crowley. I’m a demon from Earth, and the only reason I am even on this planet is that I wanted a vacation with the only man I have ever loved but could not be with because he is an angel and that is forbidden on Earth. You see, we are on opposite teams on Earth; I mean we used to be on the same team, but I am, or was, the right-hand man of the guy down under. I gave all that up when I was assigned a baby that is the antichrist and told to watch over him for his mortal life until he was old enough to become the usurper and take over the world,” Crowley says as he sits down next to the kunga and starts to gently pet its fur while he leans back into it.

The kunga just gives off a purring sound, as if to tell Crowley that it understands what he is going through. Crowley suddenly sits up and looks at the kunga. “You know what, I am going to get you out of this situation that they have put you in.” 

With newfound enthusiasm, Crowley jumps up and starts running back up from the caves to the catacombs. As he is getting ready to leave the dark hole, the kunga suddenly shows up beside him. Crowley looks away for one second and the kunga changes its form into that of a woman.

“Ummm, not the strangest thing that I have seen, but it is up there on the list,” Crowley says no more about it and keeps walking until they have reached the mouth of the cave. Crowley has no more knowledge of the myth than what the village chief gave him so he just has to go with the flow currently.


	11. Chapter 11

After it gets dark Aziraphale waits for everyone to fall asleep so he can begin his quest to help these people and children. Once he is sure that everyone is asleep, he starts his task. He figures he will start with the back of the village and work his way to the chief’s hut. He walks back to the very last hut in the village and starts his work of reading everyone’s memories. This always takes so much energy out of him, and the longer he reads memories, the longer it takes him. 

Aziraphale has finally made his way to the chief’s hut when he sees someone in the distance. Aziraphale panics, worrying that it is a hunter coming back. He is supposed to be chained up and not moving. Aziraphale hurries back to his mat and puts the chains back on for the approaching visitor. He lays down and pretends that he is sleeping so he does not look suspicious as the people come closer. Since his eyesight is better he is able to see the on-comers before they see him. 

It looks like Crowley, traveling with a person that he cannot recognize but who has the shape of a woman. As Crowley and the woman come closer, Aziraphale stands up.

“Crowley! Aren’t I glad to see you, I figured out how to stop the kunga,” Aziraphale says while removing himself from his chains.

“Aziraphale, I am so glad that you are okay. I kind of have an idea of how to help the kunga. I followed her back here because I think she knows something that I do not,” Crowley says while hugging Aziraphale as tight as he can.

“You are right. She is looking for the person that has done this tribe a great wrong. Someone was murdered, and the kunga is taking children to the afterlife until the murderer is brought to justice.” Aziraphale takes a look at the woman with Crowley and assumes that she is the kunga. 

Suddenly the kunga walks away from the friends and towards a tent with a small child inside of it. She walks in and comes back out ten minutes later with a little boy in hand. Aziraphale suddenly runs to the chief’s tent and quickly relives his memories, as they are the only ones he hasn’t read yet. Aziraphale gasps and runs back out of the tent and straight into Crowley.

“I found it! I found the guy who did it, it was the chief. The chief killed the child.” Aziraphale is jumping up and down very happily. 

“Okay, so what do we do now?” Crowley asks, ready to do whatever it takes to save the children.

“We kidnap the chief and take him down to the catacombs, and the kunga should follow us and leave the children alone. Once we get down there she should take care of everything else,” Aziraphale says, unsure that the kunga will stop taking the children.

“I’ve got a plan. I can actually get the chief to follow me freely and without hesitation. I have to show him the body of the kunga so I can free you. I will just say the body was too heavy for me to carry out of the catacombs and I need him to come with me to verify the proof,” Crowley says very proudly.

“Okay, I like that plan. So, I have to get back into my chains, don’t I?” Aziraphale asks, sitting down on the mat.

As Crowley walks up to the door of the tent he nods his head and disappears inside. Aziraphale phases back into his chains and waits for Crowley to walk back out of the tent with the chief. While he is waiting the kunga walks up to him and looks him dead in the eyes. 

“Go back to the caves. We will bring the transgressor to you so he can be brought to justice, but you have to leave the children here,” he tells her. The kunga looks at him and walks back towards the caverns without taking any children with her. She trusts the angel and demon to bring the chief to her, and Aziraphale could not be prouder that she does.


	12. Chapter 12

Crowley nods as he enters into the tent of the Chief, praying that his plan will work, otherwise the kunga is going to keep taking children. Crowley walks towards the sleeping man, hoping that he will be easy to wake up. Crowley gently shakes him. 

“Sir, I have something to tell you,” Crowley says while he shakes the chief to wake him up. “I have found the kunga and killed it. Unfortunately, it is too heavy to actually move to the village so I need you to come down to the catacombs and see it for yourself.”

“Okay,” the chief says sleepily, “lead the way.”

Crowley walks out of the tent and looks towards Aziraphale, giving him a wink. Soon the chief follows him, after changing and putting on shoes. He nods to Crowley and follows him down to the catacombs. They walk along in silence for the next 20 minutes with Aziraphale trailing about five minutes behind him. They get to the catacombs and walk down past the burial site and into the depths of the caves.

“Where is the kunga? I do not see it,” the chief says as he looks around the cave. 

Suddenly a young woman walks up to him and takes the hand of the chief. 

“Who is this woman, Crowley?”

“I am not sure, sir, but I would go with her. She is very pretty.”

“No, I will do no such thing. I am the chief of this tribe and everyone must do what I say.”

“Alright, whatever you say. I just have one question. Why did you kill your wife?”

“What do you mean? I did not kill my wife!” the chief exclaims, trying to act surprised. 

“Really? Because this lovely woman here keeps telling me something different,” Crowley says while leaning up against the cave walls.

“Excuse me, but I think we’d better get on with it, Crowley. The sun is starting to come up and I do want to get home. This vacation has been ruined for me,” Aziraphale says as he stands in the way of the chief’s only exit from the cave.

“I guess you’re right, Aziraphale.” He turns to speak to the kunga. “Okay, my dear, go ahead and do your thing.” Crowley moves over to where Aziraphale is standing so that he is not in her way.

All of a sudden the kunga changes form and the chief finally understands that he is not making it out of here alive. As the chief tries to escape his fate, the kunga makes a quick chase of him and swallows him whole. They can hear the screams of the chief radiating through the belly of the kunga.

“Well, I guess that is where he will reside for the rest of eternity then, huh?” Crowley asks walking up to the kunga and gently patting her on the head. “I’m glad that we could save you, and save the children also. You take care of yourself now, okay.” 

Aziraphale looks at the kunga from a distance and nods his head. “Come on, Crowley, we’d better be on our way out. We have an apocalypse to stop,” Aziraphale says while making a circle on the ground.

“Okay, we can go, but just one more thing. No matter what happens back on Earth, I just want you to know that I love you,” Crowley says while taking Aziraphale’s hands into his own.

“I love you too, Crowley,” Aziraphale says while blushing.

Crowley leans in for a kiss as the circle starts to glow a bright white. Aziraphale gladly accepts the kiss from Crowley. When Crowley pulls back he smiles bigger than he has ever smiled before. “I’m glad I finally got to do that before we go back to being mortal enemies again.”

“Me too. Oh, I forgot something.” Aziraphale pulls out the 1945 Josh Gibson baseball card and hands it to Crowley. “I got this signed for you when Josh Gibson was still alive. I hope you like it.”

“Oh, I love it. I’ll keep it forever.” Crowley takes the baseball card from Aziraphale and gives him a short kiss on the cheek.

At this point, both Aziraphale and Crowley have forgotten about wanting to run away and never return to their old lives, because they finally understand that a life without each other really is not a life at all.

Crowley walks into the circle and looks at Aziraphale and winks. “See you on the other side, angel.”

“See you on the other side, demon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had so much fun writing this. This was the first big bang I have ever participated in and I am so proud of my story and where it went. Thank you so much for reading.


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